Roughage is to fiber as Brazilian is to Pineapple

As I sit here on the ground at Concourse B, Gate 15 at the Denver International Airport, preparing to ascend to Liberty Mountain, I am bloated. I think this is because I decided to eat before 10 pm today which was the best idea I have ever had in my little walnut head! I am hapsters because I just spoke to my Brazilian bombshell sister who is eating pasta and having potatoes on top because she can have 5,000 calories in one setting and her spanking amazing bod will not be affected, while meanwhile the t-rex is still bloated from eating a salad for lunch. This choice of foods was an attempt by me, myself and Perez to regulate my system because my doctor said I should eat more fiber. Little does this Dr. Phil know that I eat the most fiber out of all the little nuggets who live on Liberty Mountain. Imma be honest. peace be with you.

Crisco is my Disco

I am not generally much of an animal lover because they smell like nast from the past but I have recently come to the conclusion that my different hairstyles have always resembled a breed of animal, or animal bi-product such as lard or Crisco. For example, once upon a time, I wanted a short pixie cut.

This to my hair stylist, meant disgustia hence transforming the little tiff into a hyena.

Bang.Naturally, this translated into giving me a crew cut. Another unfortunate hair cut I got, was when I tried to go for the edgy look ,and I came out looking like a gay pride llama.

Another unfortunex chop chop was when I just wanted a little trim and I came out looking like a little baby bird.

Holla spanx.